It's A Dog's Life!
A guy walks into a bar and sees this HUGE glass aquarium behind the counter just filled to the rim with $10's, $20's, $50's, etc. He asks the bartender what it's for and the bartender says, "Well, I'll tell you what. You can have a shot at winning all that money." The guy gets very interested, of course.
The bartender says, "You gotta do three things for me in order to win it. First: You see that linebacker and the end of the bar?" The guy looks over and sees this huge linebacker guzzling down beer after beer. The bartender says, "You gotta knock him out cold. Second, there's a room upstairs with the meanest, most wild, rabid dog in it This dog has a loose tooth. You have to pull its tooth out and bring it back. Third, there's a woman down the hall who has NEVER been sexually satisfied by a man. You must go in there and show her what's what. Got it?" The guy says OK, and so he starts out with the linebacker.
He starts talking to him, just having a casual conversation, and pretty soon they've both had enough beer to knock them both out. The guy is staggering drunk , but the linebacker was drinking before they were talking , so he's totally unconscious. The guy thinks to himself in a drunken state, "uhhh.....ok...next...uh.. the dog....." He goes upstairs and everyone in the bar is waiting for this guy to get torn apart.
Suddenly, terrible sounds of flesh ripping, clothes tearing, snarling, and biting are heard. Screams of agony come out of the room. This goes on for about four minutes. Finally, the guy comes out. He's totally torn apart, there's blood all over him, his clothes are shredded. He staggers down the stairs (still drunk as hell) and says, "O.k...uh...Now where's that lady with the loose tooth?"